I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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