the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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