soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
