I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
