OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
