Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
