Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
