you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
