We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
