Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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