last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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