he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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