what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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