My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
