Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
