I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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