no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
