Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
