The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
