I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
