but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
