her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Is it because I queefed?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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