I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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