you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
