True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
