I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
