I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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