im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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