Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
