you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize