This is not my ceiling
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
