Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
