My liver just broke up with me...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
