You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
