I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
