first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
