It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
