I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
