My underwear smells like fireworks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
