just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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