Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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