went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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