I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
