I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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