Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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