she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
