Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
