Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just come out here and I will go home with you...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
