my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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