hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
