Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
